Inside jokes are great. I am a big supporter of inside jokes. The prime directive of inside jokes, though, is that they are meant to be shared with the one or two people that are actually involved with the inside joke. Trying to include outsiders on the inside joke just doesn't work. I know it seems like a good idea in the moment, but, trust me, it is not really that good of an idea.
Let me explain what I mean. You happen to meet someone and realize that you share a mutual friend. Pleasantries are exchanged for a minute or two. The conversation ends and instead of simply saying goodbye and going about your business you feel the irresistible urge to have this person pass along something to your mutual friend regarding some inside joke. This is often done without thinking about it. At the time it occurs to you that this would be a nice gesture to affirm that you share a mutual friend. It usually goes something like, "Hey, next time you see Jeff tell him One-Eyed Bill says stay out of the cookie jar."
Whenever you ask someone to do this you make several assumptions. First of all you assume that this new acquaintance will see this mutual friend in the very near future. This is a fairly presumptuous assumption to make. Why will this person see your friend any sooner than you? They might not see them for a week, a moth, or longer.
Second, you assume that if and when they do run into this mutual friend that they will remember to pass along whatever it is you are telling them. This is an even greater assumption than the first. You are telling this person some half-insensible phrase and asking them to remember to pass it along. Oftentimes jokes, especially inside jokes, are dependent upon a certain play on words or timing of delivery. This person will likely not remember to say anything to the mutual friend. If they do happen to remember they will have no background knowledge to know how to deliver the message to have the proper effect.
Third, you make the almost impossible leap to surmise that this unintelligible comment that you want this person to pass along for you will sound cute or funny to them. Listen, this is where first impressions take an ugly turn. You may have held a fairly intelligent, perhaps charming, conversation with this newly-met person for a few minutes. Now, you end up saying something utterly foolish to them right before you walk away. Not only that, you realize by the look on the person's face that this inside joke is totally lost on them. (That is kind of the whole point of inside jokes, right? They are only humorous to those "in the know".) You then proceed to make a total shambles of the incident by trying to explain to them why this comment would be funny.
Everyone knows the unpardonable sin of humor: if you have to explain it to someone then it isn't funny.
The longer you go on retelling the account of how this inside joke the more imbecilic you paint yourself. It is excruciatingly painful to be on the receiving end of this. You are trying to be kind and cordial. You smile and nod and even pretend to know what this person is talking about as they go deeper and deeper into the retelling of this horridly unfunny joke. You feel sorry for the person while at the same time wishing you could click your heels and be magically transported out of there.
The reason I take the time to post my thoughts on this topic is because I recently witnessed just such an episode. I was sipping a refreshing iced coffee in one of my favorite caffeine stations. I grown man (who obviously also frequents the place) was leaving and strikes up a conversation with the young, teenage barista. Just as he was ready to walk out the door he says, "Next time you see Sandra tell her Pretty-Boy Window Cleaners stopped in." I looked up from my clear, plastic, 60% post-consumer cup that had collected a decent amount of condensation. I even squirmed in my seat for the guy because I could tell it wasn't going to be pretty. He immediately perceived that the girl had no idea what he was talking about-- especially since he didn't fit the description of "Pretty-Boy". He then had to try to explain this story of why Sandra would know what he was talking about and why it would be funny. It took him three attempts before the girl even seemed to get a grasp of what the whole story was. By that time the damage had already been done. "Pretty-Boy" even realized the spectacle he had made of himself and made an abrupt and awkward exit.
So, the moral of the story is this: keep inside jokes where they belong-- between participating parties.
0 comments:
Post a Comment